Jun 13

Burst Your Bubble

What if everything we’ve been told is not true? Buy stuff, make money, get married, have babies, try to become a famous celebrity, etc.–all of this will bring you unending happiness. We are bad at predicting what will bring us happiness, according to Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness.

You can see this doesn’t bode well for many who actually do all of the above. Many famous celebrities become train wrecks as they come to the realization that all this fame and fortune has not brought lasting happiness. Many of us feel the ache of the question: “Why am I not happy? After all, I have all the ingredients to be.”

This confusion comes because the search has been for external things to ‘make’ us happy. As Thich Nhat Hanh says “Wherever you go, there you are.” If you are not happy, you are dragging that same unhappy state into all situations. Gilbert’s book really emphasized how little we really know about what will actually make us happy. We think the worst events will destroy us, when those actually tend to promote an extensive ability to cope and be resilient. It is the daily struggles that tend to cause more emotional issues for us. Basically we cope better in a tsunami than we do with the feeling we are doing more than others at work or at home.

This has really helped me stop trying to predict what I want for my future. The truth is, I couldn’t have predicted where I am now, and I cannot predict what will come. Goals are good, and research has shown they increase happiness. However, actually achieving goals is not a predictor of happiness. So I set them, but I certainly don’t get too worried about them, or worse, put off living until they are achieved.

I just feel this bubble has been burst on so many life instructions:

1. Eat your vegetables–well, I haven’t eaten these consistently for years, and I am quite healthy.
2. Buy a fancy house to be happy–we have more house than we need, and the new wore off pretty quickly.
3. Buy fancy cars to be happy–see number 2.
4. Make a lot of money (previously 6 figures) to be happy–the thing is, you never feel like it is enough.
5. You have to be skinny to be happy–see number 4.

I will certainly add to this list, and would welcome suggestions for it. Jim Carrey said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” I have seen similar mention of money/success not being the answer to life satisfaction from many others who would seem to know from being on that side of things.

Warren Buffett commented on life’s purpose being about love. He doesn’t seem like a hopeless romantic, so I am going to assume he came to that conclusion based on his lifelong focus on being rich–it apparently wasn’t all he needed. He is also in the unique position of looking back on his life as it nears its end. This gives a person the ability to reflect on what is most important, since the ‘stuff’ cannot go with you when you die.

Untitled quote from Nadine Stair, age 81:

If I had my life to live over again, I’d try to make more mistakes next time. I would
relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I know of very
few things I would take more seriously. I would be crazier. I would be less hygienic. I
would take more chances. I would take more trips. I would climb more mountains,
swim more rivers, and watch more sunsets. I would burn more gasoline. I would eat
more ice cream and fewer beans. I would have more actual problems and fewer
imaginary ones.
You see, I am one of those people who live prophylactically and sensibly and sanely. Hour after hour. Day by day. Oh, I have had my moments, and if I had it to do over
again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d have nothing else. Just moments, one right
after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I have been one of
those people who never go anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a
gargle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would go places and
do things and travel lighter than I have. If I had my life to live over, I would start
barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would play hookey
more often. I wouldn’t make good grades except by accident. I would ride more
merry–go–rounds. I’d pick more daisies.

0
comments

Posted in Living Bliss

Jul 25

The Bliss of Experience

Bliss is what you miss when you are busy looking for it.  Bliss just happens.  You cannot create it or discover it somewhere.  This makes the idea of following your bliss seem futile.

It is not, really.  Of course if you know there are things you’ve done before that brought you bliss, you can do more of that.  It seems clear, though, that finding bliss (as though it is a thing) is a mission that is lost as soon as it begins.  It feels a little like grasping at water or smoke.

I have two small children, and I really look to them for enlightenment.  Babies are undifferentiated, meaning they see no difference between themselves and the world.  This is the definition of enlightenment. 

Babies and children explore the world, eager to soak up every experience available to them.  My baby is delighted when I give her the freedom to crawl around and discover things that have become ordinary to me.  She loves to put things in her mouth and look at them very closely to understand them further. 

My older daughter lept off the couch this evening to dance to the intro song on one of her favorite shows.  Even though the show doesn’t have dancing, she seemed compelled to express her joy with her whole body.  We went for a walk with her in the stroller, and as we came to the end, she was begging to go again.  What seemed old to us was in every moment new to her:  the wind on her face, the passing houses, the fluttering butterflies, and even the scary dog behind the fence.

Children are so good at just being.  When you do this, bliss is all around you.  Your heart feels like it will burst out of your chest when you hear a song you like or you see the sunset.  As adults we get so conditioned or distracted, we miss these things.  In our effort to find the best things in life, we miss them.

I can see now that even though I have learned the rules of living in this world, I am still exploring like my children.  I am blissful when I learn something new or feel passionate about some idea.  I experience euphoria when I use my body in new ways.  It is easy to feel the drudgery that comes from thinking you have life figured out, and that this is all there is.  It makes you want to chase some imaginary bliss out there.

Each day is new and undiscovered.  You will experience new things if you are open to it.  This allows bliss to sneak up on you far more often.  Find bliss by not looking for it.

0
comments

Posted in Bliss is All Around You, Unexpected Bliss

Jul 20

The Bliss of Exertion

principles-of-fitnessThere is a feeling that comes when you are really exerting yourself that can only be described as bliss.  I realize this is a physical bliss (verus emotional), but it is bliss all the same.  It certainly deserves exploration.

Have you had this experience?  You are so engaged in an activity that requires a great deal of physical effort.  You are pushing and forcing, then suddenly…a wave of warm euphoria washes over you.  Mmm, that feels nice. 

I realize this is usually endorphins at work.  These little pockets of good feeling do make activities more fun.  I also find the benefit extends longer than the immediate moment.  I feel a mood lift throughout the day.

It actually keeps me coming back for more and changes my perspective on intense physical activity.  Apparently our bodies are made to be pushed sometimes.  They reward us for it.

I find it comes more when I pay attention.  I look for it to come.  Then I look for it to come again.  It is a good metaphor for bliss in general — you will find it more if you look.

Instead of thinking of working out, consider yourself ‘getting your giddy on’.  You can see it is natural by watching children.  They can hardly stop themselves from jumping out of their seats and bounding about.  Don’t restrain your inner child or your natural need for movement.  If you embrace it, the rewards are great.

0
comments

Posted in Unexpected Bliss

Jun 25

Finding Bliss Where You’d Least Expect It

Sometimes you discover yourself finding bliss where you’d least expect it.  It feels funny to talk about following or finding bliss as if it is a little orb of tinkerbell light, flitting about for you to chase.  This seems to be the mental image of bliss, though — ellusive and hard to attain.

img_3645_edited-2The gurus of self realization would tell you that bliss is everywhere.  It is not on some mountaintop or in some yoga class.  It is not found in a career change or the birth of a new child.  It is in the average, mundane events of everyday living. 

This can be a double edged sword, right?  It feels kind of good to think it is accessible to you now, in this very moment (like how reading this blog makes you feel blissful).  On the other hand, it is sort of disappointing.  You are swimming in monotony and are not realizing bliss at every turn.  You begin to wonder if you would even recognize bliss if it whacked you across the face.

Bliss is an internal state, often arrived at when the mind ceases its barrage of thoughts.  This meditative state can often be achieved when doing routine tasks, like washing dishes, driving, or simply sitting still.   It is like things quiet down enough for you to see your true nature.  You see that inside you are the miracle of Christmas morning mixed with an infant’s first cry mixed with your first love.  The feeling you feel when you think of these things, or any of the most powerful experiences of your life, is the essence of your true nature.  It feels so good, it is almost unbearable.  The unbearable lightness of being.

This is what life is meant to be.  The negativity and fear and hate is all fabricated and taught to you throughout life.  As a new person, an infant, you were undifferentiated–you thought the whole world was you and you were the whole world.  This is what the gurus say enlightenment is like.  I look at my baby and realize she is already what I seek to be. 

She experiences bliss without any concept of needing to find it first.  You can see the look on her face and the euphoria is palpable.  So let’s go out into the world (or stay right where we are), and look inside for our bliss.  Or maybe we will stop looking and just allow it to spring forth naturally.  Perhaps without all of this effort it will just come freely.  Bliss does have a history of bubbling up when you are least expecting it.

 

 

gqbimd36hw

0
comments

Posted in Bliss is All Around You

May 27

Spontaneous Euphoria

Bring to mind the last time you felt spontaneous euphoria.  You know what I’m talking about.  It is that chill rushing through your body, and the feeling your heart is going to burst with delight.  I am not sure what makes this happen, but I want to cultivate more of it in my life. 

It reminds me of other things that cause euphoria like some medications, intimacy, or a new baby in your arms.  Those are expected to bring on these feelings.  But why is it I can just be driving down the road and get a sudden, unprovoked rush of overwhelming joy? 

It seems to happen when I am either in a state of relishing in how wonderful my life is, or when my mind is really blank and open.  I’ve never paid much attention to these feelings over the past 10 years or so.   I do remember having these feelings occasionally as a teenager.  Now I feel I am in a good space in my life for recognizing and promoting these experiences.relaxation

It reminds me of when someone is speaking in tongues or the whirling dirvishes (my favorite).  It is like a connection to something deeper or higher than what is seen.  It is almost like glimpsing into the true reality underneath all of the day to day stuff that complicates life.  Now that I have felt it and recognized it, I feel like I can bring it on at will a little bit.  Like when you figure out how to cross your eyes to see the 3D image–you start to get good at it.  It almost feels like a switch gets flipped.

The reason I haven’t noticed these feelings for so long is not because they weren’t there.  I believe it is because my mind has been so negative.  I only paid attention to streams of thinking that were critical or unpleasant.  It became my comfort zone.  Now I am in a place where I have really been working on my inner dialogue.  There is much more good stuff racing through my brain now.  I am finally open to recognize and honor these feelings of euphoria.

It is a great skill to be able to summon euphoric feelings at will.  The search for euphoria drives addictive behavior (along with underlying emotional issues).  If this is something that can be cultivated from scratch, it could help move people past their addictions.  Almost everyone I know has some form of addiction:  workaholism, alcoholism, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, eating, etc.  Everyone seems to be chasing a very fleeting feeling of pleasure.  Imagine the power of having the feeling of bliss always available to you?

1
comments

Posted in Living Bliss

May 27

Follow Your Bliss

If you have ever heard of Joseph Campbell, you know the phrase ‘follow your bliss’.  If you haven’t heard this before, it is sure to resonate with you anyway.  It is a powerful saying, with a profound meaning.  If everyone were following their bliss in the world, it would be a beautiful thing to experience.At the top

There are a couple of steps in this process (probably many more, but this will get you started):

 

1.  Discover your bliss  –  what is it that delights you?  Is there anything that would have you naturally bounding out of bed?  We are looking for something that feels like Christmas morning.  This may sound foreign or impossible, but that is only because you’ve been stuck in your little box.  It is time to break out and discover a new reality.

2.  Break through your walls  –   what stands in the way of your bliss?  Once you know what your bliss is, you can begin to identify obstacles to following it freely.  You may get bogged down with thoughts about how hard the process is.  I am sure that once you know what thrills you, you will find “there ain’t no mountain high enough”.

3.  Make a plan  –  you may need to make some arrangements to follow your bliss.  This may mean switching careers or environments, etc.  So there may be some detailed planning involved.  I caution you, though, about thinking your obstacles are all external.  You may find that even if you get the new dream career or move to a new place, you still don’t wake up every morning with a feeling of profound joy.  Most of your work will be inside of you.  Your thoughts and beliefs about yourself and your life are holding you back.  Personal growth must be part of your plan for living in bliss.

4.  Following your bliss  –  here is the fun part.  Once you’ve done the work, you are ready to do what you were born to do.  Or have. Or be.  It can be scary to achieve what you’ve always wanted, so be prepared for that.  Part of the reason is what I mentioned before about externals versus internals.  You may find that your passions change over time.  Don’t be discouraged by this.  You are supposed to grow, change and adapt throughout your life.

 

If you want to learn more about finding and following your bliss, you should read some of the works by Joseph Campbell.  If you want to have a fast track to bliss, check out the book Pronoia: How the World is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings, by Rob Brezsky.  Of course, continue to follow this site for regular updates for living a life full of bliss.   These resources will help you to reignite your inner fire.

0
comments

Posted in Follow Your Bliss