What if everything we’ve been told is not true? Buy stuff, make money, get married, have babies, try to become a famous celebrity, etc.–all of this will bring you unending happiness. We are bad at predicting what will bring us happiness, according to Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness.

You can see this doesn’t bode well for many who actually do all of the above. Many famous celebrities become train wrecks as they come to the realization that all this fame and fortune has not brought lasting happiness. Many of us feel the ache of the question: “Why am I not happy? After all, I have all the ingredients to be.”

This confusion comes because the search has been for external things to ‘make’ us happy. As Thich Nhat Hanh says “Wherever you go, there you are.” If you are not happy, you are dragging that same unhappy state into all situations. Gilbert’s book really emphasized how little we really know about what will actually make us happy. We think the worst events will destroy us, when those actually tend to promote an extensive ability to cope and be resilient. It is the daily struggles that tend to cause more emotional issues for us. Basically we cope better in a tsunami than we do with the feeling we are doing more than others at work or at home.

This has really helped me stop trying to predict what I want for my future. The truth is, I couldn’t have predicted where I am now, and I cannot predict what will come. Goals are good, and research has shown they increase happiness. However, actually achieving goals is not a predictor of happiness. So I set them, but I certainly don’t get too worried about them, or worse, put off living until they are achieved.

I just feel this bubble has been burst on so many life instructions:

1. Eat your vegetables–well, I haven’t eaten these consistently for years, and I am quite healthy.
2. Buy a fancy house to be happy–we have more house than we need, and the new wore off pretty quickly.
3. Buy fancy cars to be happy–see number 2.
4. Make a lot of money (previously 6 figures) to be happy–the thing is, you never feel like it is enough.
5. You have to be skinny to be happy–see number 4.

I will certainly add to this list, and would welcome suggestions for it. Jim Carrey said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” I have seen similar mention of money/success not being the answer to life satisfaction from many others who would seem to know from being on that side of things.

Warren Buffett commented on life’s purpose being about love. He doesn’t seem like a hopeless romantic, so I am going to assume he came to that conclusion based on his lifelong focus on being rich–it apparently wasn’t all he needed. He is also in the unique position of looking back on his life as it nears its end. This gives a person the ability to reflect on what is most important, since the ‘stuff’ cannot go with you when you die.

Untitled quote from Nadine Stair, age 81:

If I had my life to live over again, I’d try to make more mistakes next time. I would
relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I know of very
few things I would take more seriously. I would be crazier. I would be less hygienic. I
would take more chances. I would take more trips. I would climb more mountains,
swim more rivers, and watch more sunsets. I would burn more gasoline. I would eat
more ice cream and fewer beans. I would have more actual problems and fewer
imaginary ones.
You see, I am one of those people who live prophylactically and sensibly and sanely. Hour after hour. Day by day. Oh, I have had my moments, and if I had it to do over
again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d have nothing else. Just moments, one right
after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I have been one of
those people who never go anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a
gargle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would go places and
do things and travel lighter than I have. If I had my life to live over, I would start
barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would play hookey
more often. I wouldn’t make good grades except by accident. I would ride more
merry–go–rounds. I’d pick more daisies.